Sex Ed
by Alois Microwaved Ciel's Pants
Summary: Komui wants to give Allen 'The Talk', and it turns out that Kanda has to have 'The Talk' as well. But little does Komui know that those two boys already know all about 'it'. Sequel now up, (the sequel has been posted as chapter 2, in this fic)
1. Chapter 1

Allen was happily walking down the stone halls of the Order, when Komui came out of nowhere and stepped in front of Allen. "Good morning Allen!" He said cheerfully. Allen grimaced; guessing what was coming his way. "Hello Komui, what is it you need from me this time?" Allen replied. "I think it is about time you had, 'the talk'." Komui stated. Allen's eyes widened, he knew what the talk was.

"Um, Komui there is something I should tell-"Allen was cut off as Komui made his own statement. "My office, this afternoon at three." And with that, Komui walked away leaving Allen to his thoughts. 'Poor Komui; he has not got a clue in the world…' Allen thought to himself as he shook his head and walked away.

Time Skip!-

Allen stood outside Komui's office at the exact time that he was told to be there. Sighing, Allen knocked twice; waiting for the reply that was sure to come. "Come in!" Came the sing-song voice of Komui. Allen slowly inched the door open. As Allen walked into the room, he noticed a certain dark haired Japanese man sitting on the small couch that was in front of Komui's desk. Allen realized it was Kanda and hung hi head in hopes of not being noticed.

'Surely Kanda is not in here for the same reason…' Allen mentally screamed at himself. He sat down in the spare space next to Kanda on the couch; his hands in his lap. "Bean sprout, what the hell are you doing here?" Kanda growled at the smaller boy. "Shut up Ba-kanda! My name is Allen and I was told to be here!' Allen hissed back. "Che, is this Baka supervisor trying to give you sex-ed as well?" Kanda asked with a bored tone. Allen frowned.

"Yes, he is. Is that why you're here?" Allen asked. Kanda 'hmph!'ed and turned his head away from Allen. "Ah, so now that we are all here…let us begin!" Komui stated cheerfully; snapping the exorcist out of their small conversation. The two younger boys turned to face Komui, impatience written on their both their faces.

And so Komui began to tell them all about sex. How it was done, where it is too be done, different ways it can be done, and all of the different ways of how to do it. Even info on girl/girl or boy/boy; it made the two boys wonder just how Komui got all this information.

By the end of the rather horrendous discussion about sex, Komui looked at the two boys.

"Okay, any questions?" Komui asked, looking simply delighted at the thought of getting to answer questions about his favorite topic. Allen and Kanda stole a glance at each other before Kanda replied, "Why would you try and teach us about sex, if you don't know if we are even virgins?"

Komui looked like someone killed a Komurin. "You ARE a virgin…aren't you?" He asked rather quietly. Kanda shrugged and shook his head. Allen blushed a deep red; shaking his as well. Komui stared bug-eyed at the two boys in front of him. "You are not virgins? Either of you?" Yet again, both boys shook their heads.

"I would never have thought dear sweet Allen would have done 'it'!" Komui cried. Allen shrugged, "Yeah well…I have." He replied sheepishly. Komui turned to stare at Kanda, "Well, I'm kind of not surprised at you; you probably did it with some two cent whore." Komui stated. Allen looked up with anger in his eyes.

"I am not a two cent whore!" Allen yelled. Everything in the room became incredibly silent and still. Allen, realizing his mistake a second too soon, hid his face in his hands. Kanda on the other hand, sighed and moved over to wrap his arms around his boyfriend. "Oh well, now that Komui knows, I guess we can be ourselves around him then." Kanda said. Allen nodded into Kanda's chest.

Allen lifted his face up to look at Kanda. Kanda bent down and placed his lips upon Allen's In a passionate kiss. They kissed for as long as they could before the need for air overcame them, and they broke apart. Komui just stared at them the whole time; his mouth wide open and hanging there like a dead cat.

Kanda got up off the couch and wrapped one arm around the underside of Allen's knees, and the other around his waist. Lifting the smaller boy up into his arms, kanda walked over to the door and kicked it open. He leant down and placed a chaste kiss on Allen's partially open lips.

"So, Allen, are you ready for your 97th sex-ed practical course?" kanda said as he smirked down at Allen. "You kept a record of how many times we had sex? Oh, and yes, I am ready for practicing sex, Sensei~!" Allen said seductively.

Allen found it EXTREMELY hard to walk the next day, and Komui had to fix the stone flooring beneath where Kanda's bed was; not to mention he had to send steam cleaners in to clean the walls, and doors, and what was left of the floor.

End

OMFG, what the hell did I just write!? Review anyone?


	2. Sequel of Sex Ed

**Hello's everyone! I apologize for not updating at all, AND changing my pen name. I have been extremely busy with being expelled from my school for something I'm not gonna tell you (although it's written in my profile why I got expelled). Anyway, since my Fic 'Sex Ed' was so popular, I figured as a 'sorry-for-not-updating-ANYTHING fic, I will write a sequel!**

**Ok.**

**Disclaimer****: Would Katsura Hoshino make a fanfic about Allen and Kanda being informed about sex? No? Then she obviously didn't write a sequel for it, did she! Didn't think so...**

**Settings****: Before Komui sent in steam cleaners to clean the mess they made.**

That morning when Allen opened his eyes, all he saw was white. White, white, and more...white. He looked at his surroundings and his eyes went wide. When I said wide, I meant _really _wide. Like, Millennium Earl's stomach, wide. _Wide_. Cracks were everywhere, all over the walls. Allen moved his body so he was staring at the roof, his back against the mattress. He gazed at the roof, before frowning slightly. There were cracks there as well. Strange, he didn't think Kanda and Him were _that _wild last night. Allen turned his head to the sleeping body next to him. He raised one eyebrow in curiosity. Huh, I wonder if that was his own or mine? Kanda was white, white like the originally grey walls.

Allen narrowed his eyes and lifted his hand so he could poke Kanda. Sliding his finger along Kanda's arm, he realised that the white stuff was sticky and smelt _really_ bad. Oh. **Ohhh. **_Oh shit_. Now he knew what it was. Allen gulped and hoped that Komui wouldn't give them a mission that day. If he did then they were screwed. Even though they already were. In _many_ ways. Allen more than some.

He tried to sit up and found...that it was impossible. People say he should attempt the impossible. Well...bugger them! If he sat up then he would be hospitalized for the rest of his life. Wincing in pain, he lay back down. But not before noticing that the floor too, was cracked and white. He felt a pang of guilt. A bout of sorrow for those Komui sent in to clean the room. Once Allen had successfully lain back down, he noticed something off about the bed. It wasn't quite...flat. Well flat was not exactly the word used to describe the beds obvious tilt downwards. Wow...they must have been at it like an entire _horde_ of _rabbits_.

"Kanda." Allen whispered. "Kanda!" Allen whispered a little louder this time. "Kanda, fucking wake up now!" Allen yelled, but not loudly enough for China to hear. Maybe America though. Kanda's eyes shot open like a person who was just told to wake up. "What?" He growled, turning to look at Allen. "Look around us, dip-shit. What do you see?" Allen growled. Kanda turned so he was lying on his back. Moving his eyes around the room, he saw how...white the room had become. He frowned and turned his head to the side to look at Allen. "What the hell did you?" He asked incredulously. Allen looked taken aback. "Me!? That was you!" Allen squeaked back. Kanda scowled menacingly. "Oh no~ it most certainly was not me, it would have to have been you, I only _released_ 10 times. It was you who let off over 23!" Kanda snapped back. Allen blushed and turned away from Kanda's gaze.

They both sighed. "What do we do now, since I can't bloody get up?" Allen asked. Kanda's nose twitched as he thought about it. "Why can't you get up?" He asked as though the answer was not obvious. Allen looked like someone kicked a tortoise. "You're asking me why I can't move?" Allen asked sarcastically. Kanda raised an eyebrow. "I said that did I not?" He replied slowly. Allen scoffed and turned his body towards Kanda's. "Well, maybe it's because you fucked me so hard last night, that my lower back regions are in so much pain, that if I move, I could deafen you with my screams of agony?" Allen replied sweetly, but with venom laced in his words.

Kanda scoffed. "That isn't possible." He replied heartily. Allen glared. "What do you mean?" Kanda smirked. "Maybe you have back pains because you were thrusting too hard?" Allen was extremely confused now. "What do you mean 'thrusting too hard'?" He asked in confusion. "What I mean is, that _you_ were the one doing all the fucking. Not me. I only did you twice. Seems to me like you can't handle the pain. My pain has to be worse than yours." Kanda told him jokingly. Allen was speechless. Wow, Kanda's pain had to be worse than his. If he thought his pain was bad and he din't even do the fucking...wow, just. WOW.

Allen sat up, forcing himself through the pain. Grimacing, he slowly slid out of the bed and stood up. The second his feet hit the floor, they sunk ankle deep in... the white stuff. Well...damn. He was still wearing his socks. Lazy Kanda, not bothering with his socks. He can manage Allen's pants and tie, but not his socks? Stupid lazy sexy, hot, ill-tempered bum. "Where are you going, _sweety_?" Kanda asked. Allen scowled to himself and muttered to Kanda, telling him to shut up. Kanda sighed and shut his eyes, attempting to fall back asleep. Allen hobbed over to the other side of the room and and opened the door nob. Wow, the door nob was sticky too. I wonder how loud they were last night. Opening the door, Allen stepped outside and looked around. Lenalee was walking past as Allen stepped out of the room.

"Ah! Allen...um- hi and uh...bye!" She squeaked as she power walked past Allen. Wow, Allen was confused. What got Lenalee to act that way? Well, I suppose it's obvious. Shutting the door, Allen walked back into the bedroom and placed his hands on his hips, sighed and face palmed. "I'm never going to be able to clean all this..." He muttered to himself. "Just call Komui and tell him to get someone in here to clean this shit up." Kanda told him. Well, Kanda so obviously heard what he muttered. Allen sent a glare towards Kanda. "Oh, and let him see how much mess we made?" Allen replied sarcastically. Kanda huffed. "Well he saw everything we did anyway!" Kanda grumbled back. Allen's eyes widened a portion. "W-What do you mean he saw everything we did...?" Allen whispered. Kanda turned and pointed to the far wall. Looking over to where Kanda was pointing, Allen was shocked to see that the only part of the whole room _not _covered in white, was a small security golem that was hovering up near the roof in the corner of the room.

Well it must have dodged what was flying at it from all angles. Damn, Komui must have had a blast! Allen grimaced. "Shit...Komui filmed us." Allen growled. Kanda sat up, wincing and groaning in pain. He turned his face to the golem and yelled, "Oi! Sister complex! Get some cleaners in here now! I won't be able to sleep tonight, with all this...yeah!" Allen stared at Kanda in shock. Wow, he's so straight forward, or maybe better wording would be that he's so _bent_ forward; after all, he's isn't exactly what you'd call _straight_. "Don't be so rude, Yuu!" Allen huffed. Kanda scoffed and slipped out of bed. He walked over to Allen and slung his arm around Allen's waist. "I can be rude if wan't. He filmed us after all." Kanda whispered in a seductive tone. Allen shivered and was about to reply, when there was a knock on the door.

Allen gave Kanda a quick glance before he went to open the door. "Hello- Oh. It's you Komui. Here to clean the room?" Allen asked. Komui was wearing his usual beret, but was also equipped with a hazmat suit and cleaning appliances. He nodded and walked into the room. "You two get out, I've got a team of Komlins coming in, so don't get in the way. Besides, this is better than paperwork." He said. Allen and Kanda gave each other a worried look, before quickly running out of the room. A minute later, they heard rumbling and knew that the Komlins had arrived.

Well...at least their room would be clean for when they decided for round 3012 of the 'going-at-it-like-rabbits' procedure.

* * *

**Well, how was that really weird little sequel? It's longer than the other, but that's good. I made it off the top of my head, because I have a writers block. Oh well.  
Review anyone?**


End file.
